Post by Kanchana on Feb 6, 2010 18:27:59 GMT 8
Ok everyone, I am entering a short story comp...and I have two stories that I have written but cannot chose which one to enter.
Please comment and pick your fave as they are both very different.
The first is more of a young teenagers setting. While the 2nd one a older lady looking back on her life and the war..
So...tell me what you think ^^
And i'm new to these types of writing...so yepo.
“What would happen if?”
It was his favorite question.
I smiled in response and nodded “If what?” I asked, lounging on my bed.
“If…you loved me?” he asked, stuttering slightly over the words. His face lighting up with anxious nerves.
I sat up slightly, moving to shove him at the joke. He was known for that kind of thing. But I stopped, seeing his face.
He was not joking. Well, there was a first for everything.
I paused thinking, wondering if I had misheard. I knew I hadn’t.
“What?!?” I exclaimed, surprised as I ran a hand though my thick blonde-brown hair, wondering where this had come from.
“Never mind” He muttered and blushed, ducking his head to look at the carpet floor.
I looked around slightly, thinking and smiled. He was sitting on the floor in front of me, he normally did.
I chuckled lightly “I think you said" I paused, taking a deep, steady breath "What would happen if I loved you” I repeated, suddenly blushing the same as him and looked away. The truth was, I did love him, in every way possible and had for a very long time. My full, red lips pushed together, making a thin line. People would think I was upset when I did this, to Tarak it meant I was thinking. My 'thinking face' he would call it and I smiled warmly suddenly at the memory.
“I would ask, do you love me and depending on the answer, do this” I said quietly, turning my head to face him.
I looked into his mysterious dark green eyes which glittering with embarrassment and wonder. Looking into his eyes, I could list every single thing I loved about him, adored about him and smiled gently, moving closer to him. My lips met his, and he reacted automatically.
He moved slightly and I pulled back wondering if I had been right, wondering if he would reject me.
He chuckled, a nervous sound, something he never did.
“Really?” he asked, voice breaking, and I cracked up.
I giggled, unable to say the words.
He looked away, and then turned back. His emerald eyes questioning me.
“Do you love me?” he asked, sincerely
I smiled warmly “What do you think?” I asked, shoving him gently.
“Really?” His eyes widened
I nodded “I have for…..a while” I admitted, it was my turn to be embarrassed. My cheeks flushing with red as I looked away.
He chuckled lightly, as if searching for the words to say and raised a hand to my cheeks, running it over the red.
“Would it make sense…if I said I have to?”
Never forget,
You hear the whisper on the wind
Never forget you can be loved
The voice came again
Never forget you can be loved if you gave them a chance.
You shake your head, trying to rid the voice. It wasn’t true, nothing was true anymore.
Forever
It seemed you would be alone forever, never remembered. But you remembered him, him before that day…that fatal day that had taken so many bright futures.
Tears leaked from your eyes and your aged hand rises to wipe them away. There was no use for crying, it was just showing your pain to everyone else.
Even after all this time.
No one should live though what you had, no one should have to read the letter. But many had received.
Dear Miss Violet,
The way letters always start
We are sorry to inform you, but your husband has died in battle.
Your hand shook slightly before you continue.
He was a brave fighter…..
That was him, always being the hero and never a thought for himself.
He will never be forgotten for his bravery, and you will receive his medal….
That didn’t change anything. A medal didn’t change anything; for the words were already imprinted into your mind, never to be forgotten, never.
More tears dripped down over your chin, but your hand doesn’t move to wipe them this time.
You can picture his young handsome face, the dark eyes the bushy hair.
His smile, you could remember his smile, the one he saved only for you.
The way his eyes lit up every time he saw you.
As if you made the pain go away.
You remember the plans you had for your future.
Sitting on the front poach old together, holding hands.
Sharing your plans, your futures.
They way he would never laugh at your ideas, no matter how insane they seemed.
You picture him again, older, the same age you were now. His mop of graying hair, the same loving smile.
Sitting by your side forever, holding hands.
And he would smile, tell you he loved you.
But that would never happen for you.
You would never have what the others had.
The happy families.
You would never have that, not without him.
Then you remembered his letter, the one that made you so happy that day.
My dearest Violet,
The messy handwriting made you imaging him sitting there, writing it
We are at the front, but I will be home soon….
How worried you had been for him, being on the front barely any of them returned home.
I wish I could ask in person, but this is the next best thing I could do…
You had pondered at that, what was he going to ask?
Please, when I return, would you marry me and be forever mine?
Yes, you had yelled aloud, telling the whole world.
Then the letters stopped.
There was no one to write them.
He was gone
And you could never forget
Please comment and pick your fave as they are both very different.
The first is more of a young teenagers setting. While the 2nd one a older lady looking back on her life and the war..
So...tell me what you think ^^
And i'm new to these types of writing...so yepo.
Story 1: Unnamed (any ideas welcome!)
“What would happen if?”
It was his favorite question.
I smiled in response and nodded “If what?” I asked, lounging on my bed.
“If…you loved me?” he asked, stuttering slightly over the words. His face lighting up with anxious nerves.
I sat up slightly, moving to shove him at the joke. He was known for that kind of thing. But I stopped, seeing his face.
He was not joking. Well, there was a first for everything.
I paused thinking, wondering if I had misheard. I knew I hadn’t.
“What?!?” I exclaimed, surprised as I ran a hand though my thick blonde-brown hair, wondering where this had come from.
“Never mind” He muttered and blushed, ducking his head to look at the carpet floor.
I looked around slightly, thinking and smiled. He was sitting on the floor in front of me, he normally did.
I chuckled lightly “I think you said" I paused, taking a deep, steady breath "What would happen if I loved you” I repeated, suddenly blushing the same as him and looked away. The truth was, I did love him, in every way possible and had for a very long time. My full, red lips pushed together, making a thin line. People would think I was upset when I did this, to Tarak it meant I was thinking. My 'thinking face' he would call it and I smiled warmly suddenly at the memory.
“I would ask, do you love me and depending on the answer, do this” I said quietly, turning my head to face him.
I looked into his mysterious dark green eyes which glittering with embarrassment and wonder. Looking into his eyes, I could list every single thing I loved about him, adored about him and smiled gently, moving closer to him. My lips met his, and he reacted automatically.
He moved slightly and I pulled back wondering if I had been right, wondering if he would reject me.
He chuckled, a nervous sound, something he never did.
“Really?” he asked, voice breaking, and I cracked up.
I giggled, unable to say the words.
He looked away, and then turned back. His emerald eyes questioning me.
“Do you love me?” he asked, sincerely
I smiled warmly “What do you think?” I asked, shoving him gently.
“Really?” His eyes widened
I nodded “I have for…..a while” I admitted, it was my turn to be embarrassed. My cheeks flushing with red as I looked away.
He chuckled lightly, as if searching for the words to say and raised a hand to my cheeks, running it over the red.
“Would it make sense…if I said I have to?”
Story 2: Remembering the Memories
Never forget,
You hear the whisper on the wind
Never forget you can be loved
The voice came again
Never forget you can be loved if you gave them a chance.
You shake your head, trying to rid the voice. It wasn’t true, nothing was true anymore.
Forever
It seemed you would be alone forever, never remembered. But you remembered him, him before that day…that fatal day that had taken so many bright futures.
Tears leaked from your eyes and your aged hand rises to wipe them away. There was no use for crying, it was just showing your pain to everyone else.
Even after all this time.
No one should live though what you had, no one should have to read the letter. But many had received.
Dear Miss Violet,
The way letters always start
We are sorry to inform you, but your husband has died in battle.
Your hand shook slightly before you continue.
He was a brave fighter…..
That was him, always being the hero and never a thought for himself.
He will never be forgotten for his bravery, and you will receive his medal….
That didn’t change anything. A medal didn’t change anything; for the words were already imprinted into your mind, never to be forgotten, never.
More tears dripped down over your chin, but your hand doesn’t move to wipe them this time.
You can picture his young handsome face, the dark eyes the bushy hair.
His smile, you could remember his smile, the one he saved only for you.
The way his eyes lit up every time he saw you.
As if you made the pain go away.
You remember the plans you had for your future.
Sitting on the front poach old together, holding hands.
Sharing your plans, your futures.
They way he would never laugh at your ideas, no matter how insane they seemed.
You picture him again, older, the same age you were now. His mop of graying hair, the same loving smile.
Sitting by your side forever, holding hands.
And he would smile, tell you he loved you.
But that would never happen for you.
You would never have what the others had.
The happy families.
You would never have that, not without him.
Then you remembered his letter, the one that made you so happy that day.
My dearest Violet,
The messy handwriting made you imaging him sitting there, writing it
We are at the front, but I will be home soon….
How worried you had been for him, being on the front barely any of them returned home.
I wish I could ask in person, but this is the next best thing I could do…
You had pondered at that, what was he going to ask?
Please, when I return, would you marry me and be forever mine?
Yes, you had yelled aloud, telling the whole world.
Then the letters stopped.
There was no one to write them.
He was gone
And you could never forget